On May 6, 2022, my life was upended. The love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, my husband of seven years was killed by a reckless driver as he crossed the street to go to work. I wasn’t there when he took his last breath and I didn’t get to say goodbye. It’s been a long year on this grief journey.
Monty and I were friends for 14 years, together for 10 years, and married for 7 years. We worked together, every day, for those 10 years and loved it. We often said we lived a lifetime in those 10 years because we fit–like two perfect pieces in a puzzle. We were planning our retirement and instead now I am planning life without him.
The first six months were a blur of crying, disbelief, anger, sorrow, and depression. The months following mirrored the first six but there was an occasional smile with laughter and joy mixed in with the sorrow and depression, and acknowledgement sprinkled in with disbelief. There is still crying, just not hours long, and the anger flares up when I think of the driver of the truck that killed Monty.
For me, journaling and reading have been tools for healing and sorting things out. As a result, I am on my second journal, have typed about fifty pages of feelings/poems/letters to Monty, and have read over ten books with at least ten more unread in my bookcase. I am grateful to God, Monty’s spirit, my loving family and friends, an exceptional grief counselor, and an understanding workplace. My return to work went as smooth as possible. Of course, folks said the wrong things with the best of intentions but over time I learned how to respond without compromising where I was in the lifelong grief process.
It is my hope that I continue to heal by sharing my story and that you are somehow encouraged that you are not alone in this process. Pieces of a Widow is what I am. Once those pieces are put together, I will be different than who I was before–not better, not worse, just different.
Pieces of a Widow 