During the day, I work for the federal government in program management. I didn’t always do this. I used to work in federal property management in operations and Monty Henderson, the love of my life, worked by my side. He worked on the construction side where he used his many technical skills. Upper management called him the “Swiss Army Knife” for our agency. For me, he was everything–my best friend, my partner, my confidant, my supporter, and the best lover ever. He was my soulmate.
Our wedding day, October 12, 2014, was one of the best days of my life.
On May 6, 2022, he was taken from me while walking across the street to go to work. He was struck by a reckless driver. I wasn’t there to hold his hand when he took his last breath. He was alone. This is the worst day of my life.
On that dreadful day, Monty and I decided to drive to work in separate cars. He had some errands to run after work and I am sure part of that errand was whatever surprise he had in store for me on Mother’s Day which was May 8, 2022.
Usually he would wait for me but he was so anxious to get his day started. He came back to the bedroom where I was getting ready and asked me to cut a tag from his shirt. He asked, ” How do I look?” I said, “Very handsome,” and I kissed him. After leaving the bedroom, he called out to me, “I’m going to head out now.” I responded, “I love you. I’ll be right behind you.” Those were my last words to him.
Since Monty’s death, I am rediscovering myself and learning how to live without him by my side. It is a day to day existence with waves of sorrow and happiness. “I exist somewhere between the pain of your death and the joy of your life” sums up where I am right now. This quote is from Benjamin Allen’s Facebook page.
Writing has been a healing tool. With every word, poem, and letter to Monty, I can see myself moving forward. The phrases “move on” or “get over it” are not in my vocabulary. Monty is knit to my soul and that is how I continue, step by step. Now I am on my journey through grief, in my time, and it will take as long as it takes.
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I am also a contributing blogger on the Hope for Widows Foundation website. This site provides a variety of resources and shares blogs from widows on different paths and at different times on those paths.
Pieces of a Widow 